Does anyone else think it’s crazy that this is what CNN looks like now?
Like, holy shit — if I weren’t looking at the screen I would think this was a trailer for a blockbuster Rocky sequel. Is this really what a mainstream outlet needs to get the public’s attention now? I know it is a little unfair to hit CNN hard like this, because you can always open Fox News and give your brain an aneurysm, but Fox News is not the one struggling to get viewers. There is a reason I picked CNN today instead of MSNBC news. I have a long history of watching the channel with my dad, so unfortunately, this multibillion-dollar mainstream media network has a small place in my heart. And for that small piece in my heart, I offer a couple of ideas to spruce up the brand a bit.
Take an Adventure
I almost feel like there should be some kind of Apple TVification of the news. What I mean by that is if you watch any Apple TV+ original content, you will immediately notice something. It is not pathetic slop. Pretty much everything you see on streaming nowadays, with HBO originals being the only exception, is hot garbage. Most Netflix shows are mostly exposition orgies that look like they could have been filmed on my iPhone. Very few of Apple’s shows feel like this, ironic as it is. So, enough glazing of the 3 trillion dollar company, where is the connection between Apple TV+ and CNN? Just as Severance, Ted Lasso, and Silo proved that consistent quality was still possible in the tv streaming world, I believe CNN is capable of delivering the same for the news. In a world where all of the other players in the market seem to be making cocaine in the form of cycling news coverage, why not try to uplift the whole news experience a bit? Anthony Bourdain did something similar with Parts Unknown many years ago (may he rest in peace), so I know it is possible. Recent attempts like the Searching For series with the likes of Stanley Tucci and Eva Longoria tried to revive that formula, but never broke through to the legendary status like Parts Unknown did. I think this is because none of these celebrities quite had the rebellious nature of Bourdain. When you act like someone from Beverly Hills, you lose a bit of that edgy documentary style that made the whole genre popular in the first place. If CNN is going to succeed in this venture, they will need to bring on actually bold people onto their programs. This does not have to be a traditional celebrity, I actually think showcasing some new talent would go a long way in revitalizing the brand. Here’s a perfect example, Mike Okay is an adventure vlogger I found on YouTube a few months ago:
I highly recommend this video if you want to check him out:
I’ll admit I haven’t seen all of Mike’s stuff, but what I have seen brings me hope that adventure vlogging will come back in a big way in the mainstream media. Coincidentally, Warner Bros. has already seen some recent success with Conan O’Brien Must Go. But if a news company like CNN is going to break free of its boring panel shows, it will need a plethora of new star journalists to get the views they are looking for. Some other inspiration could come from the older Vice News Shane Smith documentaries, such as From the DMZ Into the Hermit Kingdom – Inside North Korea, where Smith would go to dangerous parts of the globe to discover what life was like there. To sum it up, I’m asking CNN and its journalists to get a pair of balls.
Panel Channel
I am going to keep this part short because I kind of mentioned it in my last critique. Stop with the panel shows! This low-quality reality show-esque trash needs to rot in a media hell. These panels make American politics look so unbelievably stupid, it’s hard to put into words. You will essentially watch a world-renowned economist debate a MAGA gator wrestler from Florida. It must go against the Geneva Convention to make Abby Phillip put up with these click-hungry parasites for hours on end. All I ask of CNN for this portion is to get rid of these shows that are simply designed to push the Overton window beyond where it’s already at. Try to replace them with some current event deep dives, or moderated debates where people don’t shout over each other every 10 seconds.
Clean Thyself of Stale Commentary
I also think that the commentary from CNN could use a huge revamp. Fareed Zakaria may have been acceptable in a time when we didn’t have an orange dictator in the Oval Office, but now we unfortunately have this dictator, and the rhetoric needs to be upgraded. If a news corporation sees that its ability to access the White House press room is in jeopardy, then I would expect this news corporation to start raising hell! Yet instead, I see another dull neoliberal take from Jake Tapper. The only person whom I have seen raise an alarm even slightly is Christiane Amanpour, and her job isn’t even to cover U.S politics directly. Now, do not conflate this with me asking for more action-packed intros and brainrot clickbait thumbnails. I am simply asking for someone intelligent to talk about politics, without allowing Scott Jennings to ruin the party with his baseless, boneheaded opinions. I don’t even care if they bring conservatives on the program, but bringing on hosting MAGA sycophants is not going to make their shows any more appealing.
The Goods
It’s not all doom and gloom for CNN right now, though. There are some legitimate strengths that they can capitalize on still. For one, checking CNN whenever a breaking news or a major live event hits is still very common for people to do. However, with cable being on a major decline, CNN will need to figure out how to adapt this ability (in a profitable way) in the new social media era. Also, CNN’s live election coverage is one of my favorite ways to follow election day, so perhaps something to lean into and add some more interesting segments than John King clicking excessively on the Magic Wall. Perhaps you get the TNT crew in to do an hour of commentary just for fun? That might start to build the reputation that the Cable News Network can have a good time.
My final plea to Senior VP Douchebag #24 at CNN
It’s just that the executives who work there would need to be able to brown nose David Zaslav enough to convince him that people could one day see CNN as a more premium “cool” network. “Cool” in the smoking weed with a local gangster in Thailand kind of way. This new stuff needs to feel bold! If you are an executive at CNN and reading this, consider the fact that you may lose your job if you were to try any of these ideas out, but if you don’t care about your Porsche 911 in your garage, please hear me out, so maybe your network can stand a chance at surviving.