The Luigi Times

Author: Walter Sobchak

  • The Action Movie Channel: How CNN Traded News for Noise

    The Action Movie Channel: How CNN Traded News for Noise

    Does anyone else think it’s crazy that this is what CNN looks like now?

    Like, holy shit — if I weren’t looking at the screen I would think this was a trailer for a blockbuster Rocky sequel. Is this really what a mainstream outlet needs to get the public’s attention now? I know it is a little unfair to hit CNN hard like this, because you can always open Fox News and give your brain an aneurysm, but Fox News is not the one struggling to get viewers. There is a reason I picked CNN today instead of MSNBC news. I have a long history of watching the channel with my dad, so unfortunately, this multibillion-dollar mainstream media network has a small place in my heart. And for that small piece in my heart, I offer a couple of ideas to spruce up the brand a bit.

    Take an Adventure

    I almost feel like there should be some kind of Apple TVification of the news. What I mean by that is if you watch any Apple TV+ original content, you will immediately notice something. It is not pathetic slop. Pretty much everything you see on streaming nowadays, with HBO originals being the only exception, is hot garbage. Most Netflix shows are mostly exposition orgies that look like they could have been filmed on my iPhone. Very few of Apple’s shows feel like this, ironic as it is. So, enough glazing of the 3 trillion dollar company, where is the connection between Apple TV+ and CNN? Just as Severance, Ted Lasso, and Silo proved that consistent quality was still possible in the tv streaming world, I believe CNN is capable of delivering the same for the news. In a world where all of the other players in the market seem to be making cocaine in the form of cycling news coverage, why not try to uplift the whole news experience a bit? Anthony Bourdain did something similar with Parts Unknown many years ago (may he rest in peace), so I know it is possible. Recent attempts like the Searching For series with the likes of Stanley Tucci and Eva Longoria tried to revive that formula, but never broke through to the legendary status like Parts Unknown did. I think this is because none of these celebrities quite had the rebellious nature of Bourdain. When you act like someone from Beverly Hills, you lose a bit of that edgy documentary style that made the whole genre popular in the first place. If CNN is going to succeed in this venture, they will need to bring on actually bold people onto their programs. This does not have to be a traditional celebrity, I actually think showcasing some new talent would go a long way in revitalizing the brand. Here’s a perfect example, Mike Okay is an adventure vlogger I found on YouTube a few months ago:

    I highly recommend this video if you want to check him out:


    I’ll admit I haven’t seen all of Mike’s stuff, but what I have seen brings me hope that adventure vlogging will come back in a big way in the mainstream media. Coincidentally, Warner Bros. has already seen some recent success with Conan O’Brien Must Go. But if a news company like CNN is going to break free of its boring panel shows, it will need a plethora of new star journalists to get the views they are looking for. Some other inspiration could come from the older Vice News Shane Smith documentaries, such as From the DMZ Into the Hermit Kingdom – Inside North Korea, where Smith would go to dangerous parts of the globe to discover what life was like there. To sum it up, I’m asking CNN and its journalists to get a pair of balls.

    Panel Channel

    I am going to keep this part short because I kind of mentioned it in my last critique. Stop with the panel shows! This low-quality reality show-esque trash needs to rot in a media hell. These panels make American politics look so unbelievably stupid, it’s hard to put into words. You will essentially watch a world-renowned economist debate a MAGA gator wrestler from Florida. It must go against the Geneva Convention to make Abby Phillip put up with these click-hungry parasites for hours on end. All I ask of CNN for this portion is to get rid of these shows that are simply designed to push the Overton window beyond where it’s already at. Try to replace them with some current event deep dives, or moderated debates where people don’t shout over each other every 10 seconds.

    Clean Thyself of Stale Commentary

    I also think that the commentary from CNN could use a huge revamp. Fareed Zakaria may have been acceptable in a time when we didn’t have an orange dictator in the Oval Office, but now we unfortunately have this dictator, and the rhetoric needs to be upgraded. If a news corporation sees that its ability to access the White House press room is in jeopardy, then I would expect this news corporation to start raising hell! Yet instead, I see another dull neoliberal take from Jake Tapper. The only person whom I have seen raise an alarm even slightly is Christiane Amanpour, and her job isn’t even to cover U.S politics directly. Now, do not conflate this with me asking for more action-packed intros and brainrot clickbait thumbnails. I am simply asking for someone intelligent to talk about politics, without allowing Scott Jennings to ruin the party with his baseless, boneheaded opinions. I don’t even care if they bring conservatives on the program, but bringing on hosting MAGA sycophants is not going to make their shows any more appealing.

    The Goods

    It’s not all doom and gloom for CNN right now, though. There are some legitimate strengths that they can capitalize on still. For one, checking CNN whenever a breaking news or a major live event hits is still very common for people to do. However, with cable being on a major decline, CNN will need to figure out how to adapt this ability (in a profitable way) in the new social media era. Also, CNN’s live election coverage is one of my favorite ways to follow election day, so perhaps something to lean into and add some more interesting segments than John King clicking excessively on the Magic Wall. Perhaps you get the TNT crew in to do an hour of commentary just for fun? That might start to build the reputation that the Cable News Network can have a good time.

    My final plea to Senior VP Douchebag #24 at CNN

    It’s just that the executives who work there would need to be able to brown nose David Zaslav enough to convince him that people could one day see CNN as a more premium “cool” network. “Cool” in the smoking weed with a local gangster in Thailand kind of way. This new stuff needs to feel bold! If you are an executive at CNN and reading this, consider the fact that you may lose your job if you were to try any of these ideas out, but if you don’t care about your Porsche 911 in your garage, please hear me out, so maybe your network can stand a chance at surviving.

  • Feel versus Real: Why Trump flipped on Tarriffs

    Feel versus Real: Why Trump flipped on Tarriffs

    In golf, there is a concept of “feel” versus “real”. This article from golf.com explains it in more depth, but basically it means that someone practicing golf will try to exaggerate a motion in their swing, such as pulling downwards on the golf club, so that when they go for the real swing, the motion comes naturally. You would not want to actually do this exaggerated motion during a real swing, though, because then you may overdo it and shank the golf ball into the woods. How does this apply to Trump’s tariffs? Well, for one thing, he definitely exaggerated the hell out of that tariff “motion”. More importantly, the practice of this motion was being done far before April 2nd, or as he called it, “Liberation Day“. I believe Trump was trying to make the tariffs seem as destructive as possible, in the hopes that countries would fall in line. Well let’s say his golf club was not on line, the club face was wide open, and he sliced the shit out of this ball into a bush full of snakes. Okay, I promise no more golf analogies. As much as I hate to say it, Trump is pretty decent at golf (not champion level as he would claim at Trump International Golf Club), but he has quite a swing. What Trump is not good at, though, is world trade dynamics and policy. In this piece, I want to discuss a couple of theories as to exactly why Trump imposed these tariffs and why he has recently decided to back off of most of them, including China.

    Theory 1: The MAGA Master Plan

    The most conservative big-brain idea I have heard of comes from Stephen Miran. Miran is the new chair of the Council of Economic Advisors and has long been a protectionist, which coincides very well with Trump’s profound belief in the power of tariffs. This video from Dr. Joeri Schasfoort of Money & Macro explains it in depth.

    To sum it all up, many believe that the declining industry of the United States is becoming a national security concern. After all, reality dictates that you need a lot of factories to make a lot of bombs. So Miran’s answer to this is what Dr. Shasfoort calls the “MAGA master plan”, which is a set of steps to reindustrialize the U.S and still maintain the U.S. dollar’s reserve currency status. If you are wondering why our reserve currency status would be in question, it is because we would now be importing less, so we will be handing foreign countries fewer U.S dollars to stock in their reserves. This will also lead to a less valuable dollar. I know that sounds bad, but just vibe with Miran on this one, he has a concept of a plan. Step 1 is Tariff Chaos. This stage involves showing how macho and alpha dog you are by threatening the whole world with massive generalized tariffs. This is to create negotiating leverage to kick off the other two stages. Step 2 is Reciprocal Tariffs. This is where the U.S, no matter what, matches the tariffs levied by foreign countries on our imports. Why? If China always retaliates with a higher tariff than we add, then this master plan will never come to fruition. Step 3 is the Mar-a-Lago Accord, which is described as an economic cooperation agreement between friendly “Green” countries that agree to become our vassal states in exchange for protection by our military and economic security in the form of the U.S dollar. The video explains how this is basically a throwback to our old way of doing things during the Bretton Woods agreement, except in a neo-fascist sort of way. So could this work? Maybe if Miran had tried this in Dungeons and Dragons, it could have, but the fact of the matter is, Trump is not actually that good at negotiating. Remember, these are actual leaders and politicians Trump is now dealing with, not the corrupt jesters that roleplay as political leaders like we have in the U.S. So convincing Mark Carney or Emmanuel Macron to fall in line is not as easy as it seems. The U.S. is not the only cowboy in town when it comes to being an economic powerhouse; there is such a thing as China, and they are now competing on a massive scale with American companies in industries that we originally felt comfortable in, like automobiles. And on top of that, we are threatening the basic sovereignty of our closest allies, so why the hell would they want to go down the route of becoming a vassal state to begin with? They won’t, so this plan is dead in the water, just like this golf shot.

    Theory 2: The Trump Master Plan

    Perhaps Trump is just using these whole shenanigans to manipulate the market. If you don’t care about the law and only want to enrich yourself and those around you, why not just do a worldwide pump and dump scheme? You are now aware that there are literally no consequences for your actions in the casino, so the logical next step is to start counting cards and bringing down the house. I really want to believe that a guy like Trump has no use for more money, but considering the fact that New York still has him on the hook for that massive fraud case, I would not be surprised if he is just covering his own ass still. More evidence that Trump is money hungry includes his cryptocurrency scheme and his constant overcharging of the Secret Service whenever they stay at one of his properties. It also does not have to be the case that Trump is doing any kind of insider trading to enrich himself. He could also be trying to strong-arm American companies into falling in line with his political and, more importantly, self-fulfilling agenda. Time will only tell which of the two he is trying to accomplish.

    Theory 3: He is a Big Boy Now

    I think at the end of the day, Trump wants to feel like he is in control of everything. This whole tariff ordeal was probably something he read in a Twitter post about William McKinley, and he just wanted to feel as tough as a guy who spent his final years conducting wide-scale imperialism in the Pacific. His new trade policy is very close to his general foreign policy in the sense that he doesn’t want to feel like he is being pushed around by the Bush-era losers anymore. Picking on Iraq and Afghanistan is sooo last decade, and everyone knows the good shit is actually in Canada and Greenland. These tariffs are just a piece in his big puzzle of inflicting damage on our international relations, just so he can finally not get yelled at when he wants to annex his own new large frozen version of Hawaii.

    Final Thoughts
    Performing shocks to your own country’s economy in the form of tariffs is not going to get the world on board with your new “world order”. Good economic policy comes in the form of the carrot, not the stick. Using the stick too much is going to piss people off and lead to mass layoffs in the short term. It is very possible that Miran’s theories could work, but not in this world, or at least not with this administration. Trump does not have the grace and patience to execute this master plan correctly. He is also missing the industrial policy element of this whole reindustrialization idea. You have to actually start giving money out like Biden did to get these companies to come back to the U.S. That missing piece leads me to believe that this is all kind of a scam. He is all about the feel, but the economy is actually real, and real things do not react well to being spun around in circles by a madman. As he has shown in the past few weeks, he is willing to back away from these tariffs in an instant, because thankfully, the only thing that keeps his brand alive is if the state of the economy remains good. If he does something to screw that up, the Americans that voted for him are going to start getting very confused (like they already are).

  • “Are these the Nazis, Walter? No, Donny, these men are nihilists”

    “Are these the Nazis, Walter? No, Donny, these men are nihilists”

    This is not about musically gifted German pornstars. Although, that would make a great piece of literature. I want to discuss a concept from this Chapo Trap House clip that was being played by Hasan Piker a few days ago on his stream. I had never heard anything quite like it.

    In the clip, Matt Christman coins a phrase that he calls “Zen Fascism”. He claims this is a result of some level of Maoism–Third Worldism (MTW). MTW argues that workers in the first world are so spoiled with their small but still sizeable portion of the riches gained from imperialism, that genuine revolution is not really possible. Christman relates this to how America has done so much to exploit the world’s resources and labour, that most Americans do not care anymore about the small incremental progressive changes that may come from center-left politics. A Carbon tax, for example, is basically just new bullshit to pay for because, in the end, this place (Earth) is going to blow up anyways! So why not just consume and destroy the planet while we are at it? These stupid liberals just want to cry and ruin the fun. They have no way they are going to fix these issues because they have little to no motivation for it! You are still going to buy a new smartphone, aren’t you? That new car? Or maybe a Shein haul to go with the new car. Americans are so addicted to consuming, that even progressives (like myself), would struggle to give up a lot of these treats that come from the benefit of exploiting millions of people. My argument against this thinking has always been that overconsumption is a symptom of anxiety. Just as the fat man (me) will eat too many Oreo cakesters when he is stressed about work, my fellow Americans will order one too many items on Temu with Klarna just to feel better about their involuntary servitude to American capitalism.

    There is a progressive argument to this though. Sure we can shop like a “billionaire” but we cannot get treated at a hospital like a billionaire, buy a house like a billionaire, or even take a vacation like well… a European. This disparity in costs between the needs and wants is what I think leads to the overconsumption of Americans. If you can’t have your health needs met in the form of clean, healthy, affordable food, why not just feel good and eat a Chilis Triple Dipper? This incessant need for Americans wanting to act like a billionaire comes from their true desire to actually have some kind of social and economic security in their life. But this economic insecurity put on us by the capitalists is by design. If everyone wants to pretend they are a billionaire (so they can feel safe and prosperous), why would we want to support policies against them?

    This part of my spiel might come out of nowhere, but I feel that I must compare this concept to something that my family of immigrants believe near and dear. When an immigrant comes to America, they aren’t thinking of all of the extraction and destruction that went into the creation of this place. There are no billboards of American planes bombing Vietnam in Times Square, because it would be a huge bummer to look at, obviously. Instead, many see a giant ad for a $1000 state-of-the-art phone or a fancy car that one could only dream of owning in their home country. Here, all of that is possible. You can get your cool car and the phone (with a sizeable chunk of debt), and the only consequence is paying outrageous costs of basic needs in your life. Doesn’t that sound like we got it all upside down?

    We do have it upside down, but unfortunately, we are at a point where I wonder if we will ever convince a majority of Americans that this is the case. And maybe this is where “Zen Fascism” or “Capitalist Nihilism” comes from. These MAGA billionaires like Peter Thiel and Mark Zuckerberg know for a fact that this capitalist empire is unsustainable, so they just support the guy who is going to give them all the kickbacks in the meantime. I’m sure Mark Zuckerberg believes in global warming, but he just doesn’t care because he has a doomsday bunker in Hawaii ready for when the big hurricane wipes us out.

    I wonder what to say to these “Capitalist Nihilists”. Is there even a point in trying to convince these people of anything? If you live in an affluent suburb and never leave (which is what many Americans do), how could you ever be exposed to the results of exploitation by capitalism? Capitalism has given you Whole Foods, Instagram, and matcha, what is there even to complain about? It’s not like you have to physically see the cobalt mines where children work on your way to Chick-fil-A. You will just say that the reason that you get these luxuries and others don’t is that you “worked hard”.

    Sure, your B2B SaaS Sales job really is hard work! /s

    The real hard work being done in this country is by the hospitality workers, the roofers, the painters, the window washers, the nurses, the teachers, the teamsters, and the farmers. But you, B2B SaaS salesman, have earned that Chipotle bowl with your blood sweat and tears on the front lines of the Zoom calls. Good for you.

    I’ve gone a bit off track here but I had to rant. My point is that MAGA wants to shit on progressives simply because we are being total nerds about this whole impending “economic collapse” thing. Then that turns into “triggering the libs” because you need to distract yourself when you know for a fact your whole world is falling apart in front of your very eyes. Optimistically, I am hoping that Matt Christman and I guess Mao is wrong on this one. I am hoping that at some point, progressives get the balls to say enough is enough, and we don’t let capitalism push us around anymore with its iPhones, fast casual food chains, and most importantly, the Democratic party. I’m hoping that we can stand together and build some kind of movement that can fight back against this unholy addiction to overconsumption and mediocrity in our politics.